Every relationship has its tough times. But what really matters is how you and your partner interact on a regular basis.
Like a Harvard trained psychologistI’ve found that the happiest couples don’t avoid conflict – they deal with it by talking to each other with appreciation and respect. Unfortunately, I have seen many marriages end because of bad communication and a reluctance to change.
So if you use any of these phrases with your partner, your relationship is more successful than most:
1. “I appreciate your efforts.”
It’s tempting to focus too much on things you don’t like about your partner and point them out to them every chance you get.
But it is important to emphasize the good in their actions. Happy couples express their gratitude for each other’s efforts. It’s a great way to make everyone feel valued.
Similar sentences:
- “I appreciate you working so hard to support our family.”
- “I appreciate you taking the kids to school, as it helps me get things done in the morning. »
2. “I love you.”
The healthiest couples don’t just love each other, they as each other too.
Sarah Anderson for CNBC Make It
Loving someone is an intense feeling of affection; loving is seeing them for who they are and recognizing the attributes you value in them.
Similar sentences:
- “I love that you are so passionate about staying healthy.”
- “I love how dedicated you are to your hobbies.”
3. “Help me understand this better.”
We all have different upbringings, vulnerabilities, values, and beliefs that shape how we think relationships should work.
If your partner is reacting to a situation in ways you don’t understand, telling them you want to get to know them better is key to resolving conflict and bonding on a deeper level.
Similar sentences:
- “I don’t know why this is so upsetting for you. Please help me see your point of view.”
- “I want to work through this together, and I need to understand you better to do that.”
4. “I listen…”
Disagreements are inevitable, but it’s important to support each other through active listening.
You must be willing to suspend your desire to be “right” or to get your point across – long enough to hear and understand your partner’s point of view.
Similar sentences:
- “I’m going to stop talking now and really try to listen to your point of view.”
- “I want to hear your side of things, even if we don’t agree in the end.”
5. “I’m sorry.”
When things don’t go well or as planned, healthy couples know that both partners play a part in the situation.
Take responsibility for our role in these conflicts — and sincerely apologize – is essential to repair faults.
Similar sentences:
- “I didn’t communicate my feelings to you in a respectful way, and I’m sorry for that.”
- “I didn’t like the way you acted last night, but I also have to apologize for lashing out.”
6. “I forgive you. Can you forgive me?”
Forgiveness is difficult. It requires being vulnerable, letting go of something that has caused you pain, and changing your feelings about your partner.
But studies showed that couples who practice forgiveness are more likely to have longer and more satisfying relationships.
Similar sentences:
- “I know we can’t change the past, so I actively try to let go and move on.”
- “I made a mistake and I’m trying to forgive myself. I hope you can forgive me too.”
7. “I pledge to you.”
Being in a relationship is a choice. Reassuring your partner that you always choose to be with them and face challenges will help create a sense of security and stability.
Similar sentences:
- “Even when times are tough, I still choose to be with you.”
- “I’m here and I want it to work with you. We’re a team.”
8. “Let’s have fun!”
If you can find humor (or playfully tease each other) during tense moments, your relationship could be stronger than you think.
The happiest couples are able to break the tension and recalibrate the mood by finding room for a genuine smile, silly banter, or lighthearted banter.
Similar sentences:
- “We should get some fresh air. Wanna do something fun today?
- “I know I’m a lot sometimes. Let’s take a break from the tough subjects and watch a comedy.”
9. “I love you.”
This one is simple but still worth remembering. Verbally expressing your romantic love for each other keeps the relationship alive. And when you say it, make sure you really mean it.
Dr. Cortney S. WarrenPhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of “Letting go of your ex.” She specializes in marriages, love addiction and breakups, and received her clinical training at Harvard Medical School. She has written nearly 50 articles in peer-reviewed journals and given over 75 presentations on the psychology of relationships. Follow her on Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.
Don’t miss:
Want to be smarter and more successful with your money, your job, and your life? Subscribe to our new newsletter here