The mystery of human connection is as old as Plato and as fresh as this morning’s “For You” page on TikTok. The elements of charisma remain as intriguing and elusive as the meaning of the Mona Lisa’s smile.
Why do we love some people while we reject others? Specifically, why do some people love us – but we always seem to rub others the wrong way?
There is a bit of science behind potential answers to the sympathy question. We can talk about pheromones and fate, but in reality, the psychology of attraction is as big a mystery as ever.
To provide some up-to-date advice, we asked a panel of YourTango experts to share a rare habit people can practice to help boost their charisma and become more likeable. Do these things and watch your popularity soar! (Or not. That’s why it’s such a mystery. But it’s worth it!)
Here are 11 rare habits that instantly make you more likeable:
1. Really practice listening to others.
A rare habit that can make someone infinitely more likeable is active listening. Active listening means paying close attention to what the other person is saying, not interrupting them, and showing genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings. People often feel validated and respected when they are actively listened to, which can create a strong bond between them and the listener. By actively listeningyou can also better understand the other person’s point of view, which can help you build a more meaningful and authentic relationship.
– Claire Waisman M-RAS/SUDCC II, founder, Waismann Method Rapid Detox and Domus Retreat
2. Practice being truly grateful.
Acknowledging something that is done well and the effort behind it is an empowering action. It’s often not done because the work was scheduled. But few people get much, if any, recognition, and that can make a huge difference. So when something goes well, let that person know. Say you appreciate them and what they have done. It’s a surefire way to please someone and spread some good vibes.
– Ronnie Ann Ryanintuitive coach and reader of past lives
3. Take notes on the conversations and bring up important points later.
This habit seems pretty basic but it is rare. I strongly recommend that my clients take notes when talking to potential dates, friends and colleagues. If they mention something that seems important to them take note of it. Did they have a Chihuahua as a child who was like a sibling to them? Did they mention their favorite color? These are often things our brains just don’t care about. (People with epic memorization skills aside.) Before talking to this person, look at your notes and try to include the things you know in the conversation when it makes sense. The person will feel like you are a good listener and care about their life.
– Erika Jordanlove coach, NLP
4. Do not spread harmful gossip.
People who gossip about others are instantly unsympathetic because their energy is toxic. It’s possible that they just want to express their emotions without realizing how awful they sound, but the main cause of gossip is the envy of the people they belittle and their lack of trust. One way to counter this habit is to stop them by saying, “Let’s talk about you and focus on your well-being.”
– Dr Ava Cadellcertified sex counselor and love coach
5. Build trust by giving someone your sincere attention.
Nothing will make you more likable than listening. It may sound too simplistic, but if someone really feels heard, they feel accepted and understood. It warms their hearts and generates deep trust. Therefore, when you listen to others, show your sincerity by repeating what they have just said, if necessary, so that they know you heard them. Ask questions for clarification and they will sense your interest in them. You do this with warmth and compassion, and they must love you. And even more, they will trust you, like you and confide in you.
– Fritz George Sauerauthor and expert in scientific stress management
6. Show a genuine interest in others.
When you show up and give someone your full attention, that’s a gift for the other person. Show genuine interest in the person in front of you and they will enjoy spending time with you. Being fully present involves listening with curiosity and without judgment, and responding thoughtfully to what you hear. Notice what happens when you put down your cell phone and other distractions. Give the gift of your benevolent presence and enjoy building deeper connections and trust with others.
– Dr Wendy LyonPsychologist and Certified Relationship Master Coach
7. Practice respectful empathy.
Be truly present with someone and thinking or feeling the other person’s needs and desires without hidden intent – being and feeling with another person.
– Dr. TJ Awardpsychologist
8. Cultivate a warm and friendly personality.
Humans love people who love them. Therefore, the warmer we are, the friendlier we seem, the faster strangers can become our friends.
– Susan Allenfounder of Marriage Forum Inc.
9. Let others know they matter to you.
No one feels more appreciated than when someone puts aside all distractions and makes the other person feel like all that matters in that moment is them.
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– Brent Roycareer coach
10. Wait until others have finished talking before giving your opinion.
Always listen first, then speak.
– Pierre SherasPhD, clinical psychologist
11. Recognize and acknowledge the things you admire in others.
Always acknowledge the person you are talking to for something specific they have done or a quality they possess. Add the impact quality has on you.
– Phyllis Koch-SherasPhD, clinical psychologist
Carter Gadis is the Editor for Experts and Wellness with YourTango.